Yesterday I had a conversation that reminded me of something profound: Jesus always knew the right way to respond. He is the perfect example of emotional intelligence. Sometimes that meant silence. Other times it meant speaking firmly, or even taking bold action. But whatever His response, it was always Spirit-led, purposeful, and full of grace.
The Bible says: “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man” (Colossians 4:6). Our words carry weight. Knowing when to speak, how to speak, and when to remain silent is priceless. It is one of the things that sets us apart as children of God.
I’ve written before on how emotional intelligence plays out in marriage — from a male perspective and a female perspective. But this principle applies just as strongly in everyday life. It’s not limited to marriage; it’s a way of living that shapes how we respond to conflict, misunderstanding, and even offense.
Think about it. Jesus was falsely accused, spat upon, mocked, beaten — yet “He held His peace” (Matthew 26:63). That silence wasn’t weakness; it was strength under control. And yet, the same Jesus also knew when to speak up. He rebuked the traders and cleansed the temple when the house of God was being defiled (John 2:13–17). He confronted hypocrisy when the Pharisees masked their hearts with outward religion (Matthew 23:27). He answered Pilate when truth demanded a voice (John 18:36–37).
When Jesus said, “If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matthew 5:39), He wasn’t calling us to foolish submission. He was teaching mastery of self — the ability to choose peace over pride, to see the bigger picture instead of winning the moment. Sometimes it means losing the argument in order to win the war, or letting go of the fight in order to gain the victory that really matters.
A while back, I came across a short video that circulated on social media. A preacher was sharing the gospel on a bus when, suddenly, a passenger got up in anger and slapped him. Everyone expected retaliation. But the preacher didn’t react. He stayed calm, composed, and chose silence. In fact, he even turned to the man and said, “If it will help you feel better, you can slap me again.” Later, it was revealed that the passenger had just lost his grandmother — someone very dear to him — and was drowning in grief. In that moment, the preacher’s restraint became a sermon in itself. His silence and willingness to “turn the other cheek” spoke louder than words, and I believe it left a mark on that man’s heart far deeper than an argument ever could.
I’ve had a similar experience too. Early in my career — I started lecturing at quite a young age — I once walked into a lecture and examination hall to supervise an exam for a class I had taught, but I wasn’t wearing my name tag. Another invigilator, seeing me come in, looked at me as though I were just another student and harshly ordered me out of the hall.
For a moment, I felt humiliated. It was in the full glare of my students — the very class I had taught. I could have flared up. I could have turned it into a shouting match. Instead, I took a deep breath, waited for him to approach me, and greeted him respectfully before introducing myself. His face fell instantly. He immediately began to apologize. Not only that — he later invited a few of his colleagues to come and apologize as well.
The truth is, I understood. I looked very young, especially with my natural look, and without a name tag to prove otherwise, I could see why he assumed I was a student. Still, the harm had been done. That situation could have escalated unnecessarily, but grace and restraint turned what could have been conflict into mutual respect.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about bottling up emotions or reacting to everything. It’s about stewarding our emotions with grace, through the Holy Spirit’s help. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Sometimes restraint carries more power than retaliation. And sometimes, turning the other cheek is the very sermon that touches a heart.
Have you ever faced a moment where silence was the wiser choice, or speaking up was necessary? I’d love to hear about your experience.
Growing up in Nigeria, I often heard sayings like: “First to do, e no go pain; second to do, e eye go red; third to do, e go cry.” Or, “Revenge is sweet when it is served cold.” These sayings capture a mindset many people live by. The meaning is simple: if someone offends you and you hit back immediately, the effect is light. But if you wait a little while, your revenge will sting — “the eye go red.” And if you delay the longest, then your strike will devastate — “the person go cry.” In other words, it glorifies delayed revenge: don’t just react on the spot. Wait. Let it simmer. Let your response “bake” so that when you finally strike, it lands harder and hurts deeper.
That is the wisdom of the world. It celebrates retaliation. It teaches us to “get even.” It even paints delayed payback as a mark of strength. But Jesus Christ flips that logic upside down. Instead of delay and strike, He calls us to delay and forgive. Instead of letting our anger brew into vengeance, He teaches us to master ourselves, to respond with grace, and to release the offense.
In a world that glorifies retaliation, Jesus shows us the power of restraint, forgiveness, and self-mastery.
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